Is This The End?

The two weeks I spent waiting to see my surgeon were stressful but only because I was nervous. My visiting nurses kept saying that the wound was doing very well. While, I was very happy with what my nurses were saying I still wanted to hear it from my surgeon directly.
Finally, the day of my appointment arrived and I was in an incredibly good mood. I figured that I would give positive thinking a shot. When my surgeon came in the room and examined the wound he was super happy with what he saw. He then explained to me that it had no more depth and that it was basically done. That moment was sort of surreal, here I was in an exam room exactly three years and one month after the wound was first discovered and I was finally being told that I could shower whenever I wanted, instead of only right before nursing visits and, that we could start thinking about ending the nursing visits all together. While I was so incredibly happy to hear this news it did catch me off guard. While my nurses had been saying very good things they had not said that it was closed at the prior visit, just three days before the appointment with my surgeon. My surgeon said that I could go home and shower right then if I actually wanted to but that I should come back in two or three weeks so that he could make sure things were still going well. I made a follow-up appointment with him for two weeks later and left in the best mood ever.

I was able to hold it together just until my boyfriend and I got to the car, that is when I lost it and three years of tears started to flow. As soon as I got in the car I grabbed my cell phone so I could begin to tell those people that had been the most supportive through the entire ordeal that we could all breathe enormous sighs of relief. The two people that I knew without a doubt needed to be told in person were my parents. So after a quick stop to get coffee and snacks for everyone, my boyfriend and I went to my house to share the good news. When my parents first saw me crying, they initially thought that things had gone very wrong, until a big goofy grin appeared on my face. Soon, I was not the only one in tears.

I spent the rest of that day and the next day laying low and not really doing much of anything. Mostly, because I was not used to being able to do much and also because I was sort of nervous that it had just filled in, was left uncovered for the first time and that it was still probably going to be sensitive. After doing hardly anything for the day and a half following my appointment, I was ready to get up and go do something. My boyfriend and I talked it over and decided that we would go out to dinner. I got ready to go and for one of only a handful of times in the past three years, I was wearing jeans!

I was trying to enjoy one of my first times out that was not due to a special occasion, but I was sort of nervous that it was too soon. My boyfriend kept trying to assure me that I was okay and I believed him, until my gut said otherwise. All of a sudden I got a very creepy feeling in my gut that something wasn't right. This was not based on feeling any drainage or anything more than a little discomfort, it was just a huge knot in my stomach that would not go away. Again, my boyfriend tried to assure me that things were fine and while I wanted to believe him, he is not in my gut, feeling the way I felt. As we were leaving the restaurant, he assured me that he would check the wound when we got home.