I spent last week trying to keep my thoughts positive and not worry too much about everything that was going on with me medically. As I was leaving the radiology office after my ultrasound I requested that the reports be mailed to me. The office said that they would be sure to send them.
A few days later, the urologist’s office called me. I had a temporary moment of panic when they called because I remembered that he said he would only call if anything had shown up. When I answered the phone it was a person from his office. I halfway expected her to transfer me to the doctor so he could speak with me directly, instead she told me that the results had come back normal and so I should come in a few weeks later for my scheduled urodynamics test. I thanked her and hung up the phone feeling confused. I wondered why I was being called when everything was supposedly fine when I had previously been told that I would not receive a call if everything were okay. I tried not to let it bother me and just focus on the fact that they had communicated with me and that communication is a good thing.
A little while later, my mother handed me my mail and in it was the report from the ultrasound and x-ray. I opened it somewhat expecting it to say every little thing that had been seen so that did not surprise me as much as I was disturbed to see that a “small, 4mm density’ which was most likely a small fragment of the kidney stone had been discovered. I understand that 4mm is very small but when I considered that my original kidney stone was 8mm I didn’t necessarily agree that something that was half the size of the original was actually being considered normal. At first I was ticked off because I felt that the urologist’s office had lied to me about the results. After I calmed down and thought about it more clearly; I don’t believe I was lied to as much as I was not given all of the information. I believe it would have been more appropriate for them to tell me they found a small fragment but that it was not causing any of my problems so they did not plan to do anything about it.
All of this communication and miscommunication is causing me inner turmoil. On one hand while I was somewhat confused as to why I was receiving a phone call I was glad that they did not seem to forget about me. I would much rather receive a phone call to tell me that everything is okay than to not receive one when I am expecting one. The fact that they neglected to give me all of the information has me still considering switching providers. It of course brings up issues of trust and my belief that they are making appropriate decisions. I am just hopeful that the remaining fragment does not affect the urodynamics study that I have scheduled in a couple of days. I am considering bringing all of this to the urologist’s attention when I am there but I am sometimes uncomfortable being confrontational. I will need to do a “gut check” before I go to my appointment to decide how I want to proceed.
Last week, was also my appointment at the wound care center to figure out what was potentially happening with my wound. When I got to the appointment I gave a nurse that I had never seen before a condensed version of the history of the wound and then told her what I had seen the previous week, which had lead to my making the appointment. After she took all of the information she then examined my wound but she did not say much about it. I got a feeling though, that it was because it was doing very well or that she couldn’t actually find it. I waited a couple minutes for the doctor to come in and then I explained to her what I had seen and that it scared me because one of the previous times that it opened I had seen her and it actually had depth and required care. She totally understood my concern. I showed her the picture of my wound that had lead to my appointment and she looked at the area. She then explained to me that it was not open but that the top layer of one section had come off, giving the impression that it was open. She correlated it to having a facial and when you leave your skin looks red because the top layer is sometimes removed. I was relieved that nothing was really wrong but I also felt like somewhat of an idiot for having come in for nothing. The doctor said that it wasn’t for nothing because I did not really know what had caused it. She then recommended that I use Calazime on the area to try to block out any moisture that may break down the skin, although she did not see any breakdown happening, so it was more preventative than for treatment. She also told me to make a follow up appointment with my wound care surgeon for the following week, when he was there just to see if what she had recommended was working.
I have that appointment in a few days, ironically the same day that I am scheduled to have the urodynamics study. I am hopeful that both of those appointments are informative yet uneventful.
Showing posts with label worry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worry. Show all posts
Monday, May 5, 2014
Saturday, March 9, 2013
What The Hell is Happening Now?
I know it has been a long time since my last post. I apologize; it is just that my boyfriend and I do not live together and I haven’t actually been able to see his wound in person very often.
His wound was doing incredibly well; it was appearing much smaller and had no signs of infection. Just as I was beginning to relax, he threw me a curve ball. He sent me a text message two weeks ago on the day that he had an appointment at the wound care center. He told me that when he woke up, he discovered a blood blister directly above the wound and asked me what he should do to cover it because he was worried that the dressings he was using would cause it to pop. At first I thought he was just messing with my head and trying to get a reaction out of me by claiming to have a blood blister so I told him to prove it. Minutes later I received a picture of what in fact was a blood blister.
I took a breath and picked up the phone and called him. I asked what size dressings he had, hoping against hope that he had one that would be big enough and loose enough to cover the entire wound, including the blood blister, without being so tight that it would pop. Of course he did not have any of the type of dressing that I wanted him to use. I told him to just carefully cover the wound itself, avoiding the blister as best he could and then get to my house as soon as he was able so that I could put a more substantial dressing on it prior to his appointment that afternoon.
When he arrived at my house about an hour later I looked at his leg and saw that he had a weird shaped blister, more like one large one and then a small one directly next to it. The smaller one appeared to have ruptured but the big one was still intact and the primary wound did seem to be doing very well. I then loosely covered the entire “situation” with 4x4 gauze, knowing that it would be sufficient until his appointment a couple hours later.
When we got to the wound care center we told the nurse that the wound had been doing well until that morning when a blood blister was discovered. The nurse uncovered the wound and told us that the doctor would be in soon. We waited and when the doctor came into the room we explained what was going on and my boyfriend’s thoughts on what caused the blister in the first place.
The surgeon then said that he was going to test the fluid in the blister to make sure that it wasn’t showing any bacteria that would need to be treated. He poked a tiny hole in the blister with a small needle and aspirated some of the fluid. He then said that the wound should continue to be treated the same way we had been, with the Bactroban ointment and just a small piece of gauze to cover. He said that if the culture came back showing anything that needed to be treated he would call to let us know but that he wanted to see him again in two weeks.
My boyfriend took care of his wound for himself for almost the entire two weeks and kept telling me that he thought it looked like it was doing well. I was happy to hear that he thought it was fine, but I was also a little bit nervous that he would minimize it if things weren’t going well. I hoped though that he was aware of just how quickly things like this can go downhill and would at the very least tell me if it began to change. Two days before his appointment at the wound care center I asked if I could please see another picture, so that I could reassure myself that he really was “fine”. My boyfriend sent me the picture he had taken that morning and I was disturbed by what I saw. When I had last seen it in person, I noticed that the blister appeared to be flattened out and was looking more callous than blister. The picture he sent me showed even more of the dark calloused area. Admittedly, I flipped out when I saw the picture. In hindsight, I realize that most of my reaction was caused by not being able to clearly see what was going on. My boyfriend tried to explain to me that it “wasn’t that bad” and that it was only the blister that looked “kind of gross”. I wanted no part of his explanation and shut down the conversation. Not the best idea in that situation, but being that nothing could be done about his wound at that point, it was really not worth it to discuss it anymore.
A couple of days later we went to his appointment at the wound care center and I explained to the nurse that I personally hadn’t seen it in a few days but that I did not feel comfortable with how it looked. The nurse took the dressing off and said that the blister had flattened out and was now a callous. I took the opportunity to look at the wound in person for the first time since I had flipped out about the picture I had seen. When I saw the wound I was happy to see that it was not nearly as bad as it had appeared in the picture. When the nurse left I told my boyfriend that it was not as bad as I originally thought, but that it still, “wasn’t pretty”. A few minutes later the surgeon walked into the room and when he looked at the wound a really funny look appeared on his face. His face seemed to say, “What the hell happened, what do you want me to do about that and how am I supposed to work with that” all rolled into one facial expression. He then asked when it had become calloused and I stopped laughing so that I could tell him that it had begun about five days prior. The doctor then began to scrape away the calloused area and when he did he was pleased with how it looked underneath. He said that he was also really happy with how the primary wound looked. The doctor told us to continue treating it the same way we had been and that he wanted to see the wound in a week. My boyfriend and I left the appointment happy with how things were going and admittedly I personally, was still somewhat giggly because I still had the look of the doctor’s face in my head.
His wound was doing incredibly well; it was appearing much smaller and had no signs of infection. Just as I was beginning to relax, he threw me a curve ball. He sent me a text message two weeks ago on the day that he had an appointment at the wound care center. He told me that when he woke up, he discovered a blood blister directly above the wound and asked me what he should do to cover it because he was worried that the dressings he was using would cause it to pop. At first I thought he was just messing with my head and trying to get a reaction out of me by claiming to have a blood blister so I told him to prove it. Minutes later I received a picture of what in fact was a blood blister.
I took a breath and picked up the phone and called him. I asked what size dressings he had, hoping against hope that he had one that would be big enough and loose enough to cover the entire wound, including the blood blister, without being so tight that it would pop. Of course he did not have any of the type of dressing that I wanted him to use. I told him to just carefully cover the wound itself, avoiding the blister as best he could and then get to my house as soon as he was able so that I could put a more substantial dressing on it prior to his appointment that afternoon.
When he arrived at my house about an hour later I looked at his leg and saw that he had a weird shaped blister, more like one large one and then a small one directly next to it. The smaller one appeared to have ruptured but the big one was still intact and the primary wound did seem to be doing very well. I then loosely covered the entire “situation” with 4x4 gauze, knowing that it would be sufficient until his appointment a couple hours later.
When we got to the wound care center we told the nurse that the wound had been doing well until that morning when a blood blister was discovered. The nurse uncovered the wound and told us that the doctor would be in soon. We waited and when the doctor came into the room we explained what was going on and my boyfriend’s thoughts on what caused the blister in the first place.
The surgeon then said that he was going to test the fluid in the blister to make sure that it wasn’t showing any bacteria that would need to be treated. He poked a tiny hole in the blister with a small needle and aspirated some of the fluid. He then said that the wound should continue to be treated the same way we had been, with the Bactroban ointment and just a small piece of gauze to cover. He said that if the culture came back showing anything that needed to be treated he would call to let us know but that he wanted to see him again in two weeks.
My boyfriend took care of his wound for himself for almost the entire two weeks and kept telling me that he thought it looked like it was doing well. I was happy to hear that he thought it was fine, but I was also a little bit nervous that he would minimize it if things weren’t going well. I hoped though that he was aware of just how quickly things like this can go downhill and would at the very least tell me if it began to change. Two days before his appointment at the wound care center I asked if I could please see another picture, so that I could reassure myself that he really was “fine”. My boyfriend sent me the picture he had taken that morning and I was disturbed by what I saw. When I had last seen it in person, I noticed that the blister appeared to be flattened out and was looking more callous than blister. The picture he sent me showed even more of the dark calloused area. Admittedly, I flipped out when I saw the picture. In hindsight, I realize that most of my reaction was caused by not being able to clearly see what was going on. My boyfriend tried to explain to me that it “wasn’t that bad” and that it was only the blister that looked “kind of gross”. I wanted no part of his explanation and shut down the conversation. Not the best idea in that situation, but being that nothing could be done about his wound at that point, it was really not worth it to discuss it anymore.
A couple of days later we went to his appointment at the wound care center and I explained to the nurse that I personally hadn’t seen it in a few days but that I did not feel comfortable with how it looked. The nurse took the dressing off and said that the blister had flattened out and was now a callous. I took the opportunity to look at the wound in person for the first time since I had flipped out about the picture I had seen. When I saw the wound I was happy to see that it was not nearly as bad as it had appeared in the picture. When the nurse left I told my boyfriend that it was not as bad as I originally thought, but that it still, “wasn’t pretty”. A few minutes later the surgeon walked into the room and when he looked at the wound a really funny look appeared on his face. His face seemed to say, “What the hell happened, what do you want me to do about that and how am I supposed to work with that” all rolled into one facial expression. He then asked when it had become calloused and I stopped laughing so that I could tell him that it had begun about five days prior. The doctor then began to scrape away the calloused area and when he did he was pleased with how it looked underneath. He said that he was also really happy with how the primary wound looked. The doctor told us to continue treating it the same way we had been and that he wanted to see the wound in a week. My boyfriend and I left the appointment happy with how things were going and admittedly I personally, was still somewhat giggly because I still had the look of the doctor’s face in my head.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Learning to Relax (in more ways than one)
It has now been approximately three weeks since I have been discharged from the Wound Care Center. My visiting nurses are still seeing me once a week and they are confident that my wound is really closed for good this time. Their confidence is great; I am just waiting for my mind to catch up to it. I am still incredibly nervous that it may open again. I am trying to strike a balance between being aware that the wound has opened in the past, yet trying to adjust to having my life back to normal. I still regularly make sure that I’m not seeing any discharge and also, asking my boyfriend to check to make sure that it is closed between nursing visits. When my nurse came yesterday she assured me that it is closed and then warned me that the next visit may end up being my last. Apparently when she told me that I had a terrified look on my face because she immediately said that she really does only live a couple of minutes away and that it was okay for me to call her if I really felt that something was weird after I was discharged. She said that she would either come out to check the wound if I was really upset or if I was just mildly concerned she said she might just try to talk to me and try to get me to calm down.
My boyfriend has said that it is okay with him if I post a few of the pictures, so though I chose to keep my wound pictures private, I will share his.
Boyfriend's wound picture taken approximately September 4, 2012
After the visiting nurse and I treated it for a few weeks, it began to look too dry:
Picture taken October 16, 2012
Picture taken mid October, after treating with Hydrogel
Picture taken late October 2012
Picture taken early November 2012
Everything after that seemed fine until I saw it again in late January 2013. That is when I told him that it needed to be seen.
What my boyfriend's wound looked like in mid/late January
Photo from the first time the wound care center saw the wound (January 30, 2013) after it had been treated with Calcium alginate and a Tegaderm Foam Adhesive
Taken at wound care February 6, 2013 after having daily ABD dressing changes
Photo taken approximately February 8,2013 after Bactroban ointment
Taken February 9, 2013 after continued Bactroban
Calm down seems to be a recurring theme in my wound-life because when my boyfriend left to go to his house last week I was a little bit worried that he would have to take care of his wound without me. I was confident that he is not incompetent and could change the dressings without a problem, but I was worried that he would minimize it if he suddenly weren’t doing as well. That paranoia lead to me regularly asking him to text me pictures of his wound so that I could stay as up to date on its progress as possible. I am getting ahead of myself though, last week at my boyfriend’s appointment at the wound care center he was told that the culture results had come back positive for MRSA.
The surgeon therefore prescribed Bactroban Ointment an antibiotic to treat the infection, which my boyfriend was to apply to the wound bed once or twice a day when he changed the dressing. When the surgeon examined the wound itself though, he said that he thought it appeared a little smaller. I concurred (as if my opinion actually matters. ha-ha) that it did seem to be a little better than it had been, at least since the last time I had seen it.
My boyfriend is continuing to treat his wound himself at home and is periodically updating me on what he thinks is happening. He goes back to the wound care center next week. The surgeon said the he had a feeling that treating it with the ointment and just a small gauze pad would get it going in the direction we wanted it to go in. Hopefully, the surgeon is correct. Currently I am waiting for my boyfriend to visit so that among other things, he can show me a picture of my wound again so that maybe we can drill it into my head that it really is closed.
I know I am bordering on ridiculous with my level of paranoia about my wound; it is just that I cannot get the previous time that it was closed out of my head. I was so incredibly happy and relieved that it had closed (after 3+ years) and then absolutely devastated when it opened after six weeks of it being closed and living a normal life, once again doing what I wanted to do without having to worry about a wound.
My boyfriend has said that it is okay with him if I post a few of the pictures, so though I chose to keep my wound pictures private, I will share his.
Boyfriend's wound picture taken approximately September 4, 2012
After the visiting nurse and I treated it for a few weeks, it began to look too dry:
Picture taken October 16, 2012
Picture taken mid October, after treating with Hydrogel
Picture taken late October 2012
Picture taken early November 2012
Everything after that seemed fine until I saw it again in late January 2013. That is when I told him that it needed to be seen.
What my boyfriend's wound looked like in mid/late January
Photo from the first time the wound care center saw the wound (January 30, 2013) after it had been treated with Calcium alginate and a Tegaderm Foam Adhesive
Taken at wound care February 6, 2013 after having daily ABD dressing changes
Photo taken approximately February 8,2013 after Bactroban ointment
Taken February 9, 2013 after continued Bactroban
Calm down seems to be a recurring theme in my wound-life because when my boyfriend left to go to his house last week I was a little bit worried that he would have to take care of his wound without me. I was confident that he is not incompetent and could change the dressings without a problem, but I was worried that he would minimize it if he suddenly weren’t doing as well. That paranoia lead to me regularly asking him to text me pictures of his wound so that I could stay as up to date on its progress as possible. I am getting ahead of myself though, last week at my boyfriend’s appointment at the wound care center he was told that the culture results had come back positive for MRSA.
The surgeon therefore prescribed Bactroban Ointment an antibiotic to treat the infection, which my boyfriend was to apply to the wound bed once or twice a day when he changed the dressing. When the surgeon examined the wound itself though, he said that he thought it appeared a little smaller. I concurred (as if my opinion actually matters. ha-ha) that it did seem to be a little better than it had been, at least since the last time I had seen it.
My boyfriend is continuing to treat his wound himself at home and is periodically updating me on what he thinks is happening. He goes back to the wound care center next week. The surgeon said the he had a feeling that treating it with the ointment and just a small gauze pad would get it going in the direction we wanted it to go in. Hopefully, the surgeon is correct. Currently I am waiting for my boyfriend to visit so that among other things, he can show me a picture of my wound again so that maybe we can drill it into my head that it really is closed.
I know I am bordering on ridiculous with my level of paranoia about my wound; it is just that I cannot get the previous time that it was closed out of my head. I was so incredibly happy and relieved that it had closed (after 3+ years) and then absolutely devastated when it opened after six weeks of it being closed and living a normal life, once again doing what I wanted to do without having to worry about a wound.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Uncertainty
“My one purpose in writing is simply to provide a catharsis for my own thoughts. They worry me until they are set forth in words.” ---
H.L. Mencken
I usually only turn to this blog after I have the facts from my surgeon or one of my nurses. Today, however, is going to be a bit different. I have been going through a lot surrounding my wound and so today please allow me to use this to express my frustrations, fears, worry and joys.
Last week I had an appointment with my surgeon at the wound care center. Being that the previous week my surgeon had proclaimed my wound healed and my visiting nurses also seemed to agree I went into the appointment kind of feeling like I was going to be discharged, yet still sort of unsure about the situation. As a matter of fact, when I went in the nurse asked me if we had “sealed the deal”, in other words if my wound was closed. I told her that I thought so, I also told her about the communication that my nurse had received that caused me to be so incredibly cautiously optimistic the week before. The nurse understood why I had felt confused and when I told her the depth that was mentioned in the communication she told me that she was virtually positive that it was in fact an outdated communication, which I shouldn’t worry about.
When my surgeon came in and examined my wound he also said that it was closed and I was done, I was marginally more excited than I had been the previous week but was not anywhere near feeling the joy I felt the first time my surgeon had discharged me. Before I left the nurse and surgeon took a picture of my wound to document that it was healed and also to show me what it looked like. I never got to actually see that picture though because we got talking about another pressing topic that was taking over my life.
Several months ago I discovered that my boyfriend had a wound on his lower leg. He being a typical guy minimized it and was not at all concerned. I was worried though so I tried to encourage him to get it checked out if not by a doctor, at least by my visiting nurse. He refused and because I did not want to nag him I let the subject drop but only temporarily. Eventually, he agreed to let my visiting nurse take a look at it, he said it was because I was genuinely concerned but I personally think he just wanted me off his case. My visiting nurse, with me also being her eyes was sort of treating his wound off the record for a couple of months and then it healed.
Unfortunately, his wound did not stay closed. My boyfriend asked me if my visiting nurse would be able to take a look at it again, because this time it was draining. My boyfriend’s schedule however, did not mesh with when she was coming over so last week when he was with me; I offered to look at it. He allowed me to do that and once I did, I almost immediately said that it needed to be seen. I also recovered the wound, using calcium alginate to absorb some of the drainage and then covered that with a Tegaderm foam adhesive dressing. I then asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to call the wound care center to ask if he could be seen, ideally while we were both there later that day for my appointment. They were unable to fit him in that day but could schedule him for a week later.
All of this was on my mind during my appointment, so some of the time we were talking about my boyfriend’s wound and what I had done after I had seen it that morning. I explained what I had seen and then how I had covered it again. The nurse seemed to think that what I had done sounded like the right thing to do until the surgeon could see it. I then halfway jokingly asked her if she would kindly get some of this information out of my head, that I could not stop thinking. She chuckled and said no.
My boyfriend and I left the wound care center and as we were leaving I told him that I had been discharged but that this time I was really not going to tell anyone other then him at least until my wound stayed closed for awhile. I had decided this because I will never forget the shattered look on my parents’ faces when I had to tell them that it had reopened after seven weeks of being fine. When we got to my house I asked my boyfriend if he would take a picture so that I could see being that I never got around to seeing the one from the wound care center. I saw the picture and although I was still only cautiously optimistic I was happy to see it closed. A few hours later my visiting nurse returned my phone call and I told her that my surgeon said I was done but that they couldn’t get rid of me that easily because I was going to go back the next week with my boyfriend. My nurse was thrilled to hear about me but was disappointed to hear that my boyfriend’s wound had opened up again. She then told me that getting it seen was a good idea, not so much because of the drainage but because their could be an underlying cause of the wound. That was precisely my thinking also.
Two days later my visiting nurse came to my house and she was so incredibly happy to hear that my wound had closed that as soon as she walked into my room she turned on the music that was on her iPhone. She had decided that this visit was going to be a fun one. I was okay with that but also told her that I am trying to temper my joy with some realistic expectations, purely because I had become so devastated when it had opened. When she looked at the wound she also said that it was closed and then took a picture so that I could see it. The picture that she showed me was different from the one my boyfriend had taken just two days earlier. I calmly asked her what the darker part was and that it looked open to me. She said that a tiny part of it was open but that it had absolutely no depth at all and was not draining so she was still calling it healed and even decided not to cover it. When she left my brain started spinning. I was upset that it looked different in just two days and had no idea what to think about her not covering it again.
I did not have any drainage that I noticed for the rest of that day so I was sort of hoping that my nurse was right and that I was needlessly being paranoid. I spent the majority of the day in bed, this time because I had come down with a cold.
The day after that was when I began to get a really weird feeling that my wound had opened even more and was potentially draining again. I did not feel anything at that point so I tried to convince myself that my mind was playing tricks on me and that I needed to relax, especially because my cold was really making me feel crummy. I lounged in bed and when I wasn’t sleeping I was trying to zone out to the television. The thing that did pop into my head periodically was my boyfriend’s wound. His appointment at the wound care center was four days away and I was interested to know what it was going to be like to be on the other side of a wound care situation. That evening when I got out of bed I noticed something that may have been drainage coming from my wound, I was a little nervous but did not do anything about it. Again, my mind had been playing tricks on me and I was trying to convince myself that while I had the right to be concerned after all I had been through, I should also try to think positively.
Thinking positively is apparently not something I am very good at doing though, especially when I am stressed. That night, while having dinner my mother said something really funny and I started laughing so hard that my eyes started watering. Once that happened though the tears brought on by laughter turned to tears of stress due to being unsure about my wound and being concerned about my boyfriend’s wound. Of course my parents have no idea that any of this is going on so I was crying with a goofy grin on my face. It wasn’t that big of a deal but it did make me feel like a fool. Here I was having dinner with my parents; one minute laughing at my mother and the next minute crying about the uncertainty that was happening in my life. I am pretty sure that I will have a visiting nurse at some point tomorrow who will hopefully be able to tell me if what I noticed was actually drainage or if I really do just need to calm down.
H.L. Mencken
I usually only turn to this blog after I have the facts from my surgeon or one of my nurses. Today, however, is going to be a bit different. I have been going through a lot surrounding my wound and so today please allow me to use this to express my frustrations, fears, worry and joys.
Last week I had an appointment with my surgeon at the wound care center. Being that the previous week my surgeon had proclaimed my wound healed and my visiting nurses also seemed to agree I went into the appointment kind of feeling like I was going to be discharged, yet still sort of unsure about the situation. As a matter of fact, when I went in the nurse asked me if we had “sealed the deal”, in other words if my wound was closed. I told her that I thought so, I also told her about the communication that my nurse had received that caused me to be so incredibly cautiously optimistic the week before. The nurse understood why I had felt confused and when I told her the depth that was mentioned in the communication she told me that she was virtually positive that it was in fact an outdated communication, which I shouldn’t worry about.
When my surgeon came in and examined my wound he also said that it was closed and I was done, I was marginally more excited than I had been the previous week but was not anywhere near feeling the joy I felt the first time my surgeon had discharged me. Before I left the nurse and surgeon took a picture of my wound to document that it was healed and also to show me what it looked like. I never got to actually see that picture though because we got talking about another pressing topic that was taking over my life.
Several months ago I discovered that my boyfriend had a wound on his lower leg. He being a typical guy minimized it and was not at all concerned. I was worried though so I tried to encourage him to get it checked out if not by a doctor, at least by my visiting nurse. He refused and because I did not want to nag him I let the subject drop but only temporarily. Eventually, he agreed to let my visiting nurse take a look at it, he said it was because I was genuinely concerned but I personally think he just wanted me off his case. My visiting nurse, with me also being her eyes was sort of treating his wound off the record for a couple of months and then it healed.
Unfortunately, his wound did not stay closed. My boyfriend asked me if my visiting nurse would be able to take a look at it again, because this time it was draining. My boyfriend’s schedule however, did not mesh with when she was coming over so last week when he was with me; I offered to look at it. He allowed me to do that and once I did, I almost immediately said that it needed to be seen. I also recovered the wound, using calcium alginate to absorb some of the drainage and then covered that with a Tegaderm foam adhesive dressing. I then asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to call the wound care center to ask if he could be seen, ideally while we were both there later that day for my appointment. They were unable to fit him in that day but could schedule him for a week later.
All of this was on my mind during my appointment, so some of the time we were talking about my boyfriend’s wound and what I had done after I had seen it that morning. I explained what I had seen and then how I had covered it again. The nurse seemed to think that what I had done sounded like the right thing to do until the surgeon could see it. I then halfway jokingly asked her if she would kindly get some of this information out of my head, that I could not stop thinking. She chuckled and said no.
My boyfriend and I left the wound care center and as we were leaving I told him that I had been discharged but that this time I was really not going to tell anyone other then him at least until my wound stayed closed for awhile. I had decided this because I will never forget the shattered look on my parents’ faces when I had to tell them that it had reopened after seven weeks of being fine. When we got to my house I asked my boyfriend if he would take a picture so that I could see being that I never got around to seeing the one from the wound care center. I saw the picture and although I was still only cautiously optimistic I was happy to see it closed. A few hours later my visiting nurse returned my phone call and I told her that my surgeon said I was done but that they couldn’t get rid of me that easily because I was going to go back the next week with my boyfriend. My nurse was thrilled to hear about me but was disappointed to hear that my boyfriend’s wound had opened up again. She then told me that getting it seen was a good idea, not so much because of the drainage but because their could be an underlying cause of the wound. That was precisely my thinking also.
Two days later my visiting nurse came to my house and she was so incredibly happy to hear that my wound had closed that as soon as she walked into my room she turned on the music that was on her iPhone. She had decided that this visit was going to be a fun one. I was okay with that but also told her that I am trying to temper my joy with some realistic expectations, purely because I had become so devastated when it had opened. When she looked at the wound she also said that it was closed and then took a picture so that I could see it. The picture that she showed me was different from the one my boyfriend had taken just two days earlier. I calmly asked her what the darker part was and that it looked open to me. She said that a tiny part of it was open but that it had absolutely no depth at all and was not draining so she was still calling it healed and even decided not to cover it. When she left my brain started spinning. I was upset that it looked different in just two days and had no idea what to think about her not covering it again.
I did not have any drainage that I noticed for the rest of that day so I was sort of hoping that my nurse was right and that I was needlessly being paranoid. I spent the majority of the day in bed, this time because I had come down with a cold.
The day after that was when I began to get a really weird feeling that my wound had opened even more and was potentially draining again. I did not feel anything at that point so I tried to convince myself that my mind was playing tricks on me and that I needed to relax, especially because my cold was really making me feel crummy. I lounged in bed and when I wasn’t sleeping I was trying to zone out to the television. The thing that did pop into my head periodically was my boyfriend’s wound. His appointment at the wound care center was four days away and I was interested to know what it was going to be like to be on the other side of a wound care situation. That evening when I got out of bed I noticed something that may have been drainage coming from my wound, I was a little nervous but did not do anything about it. Again, my mind had been playing tricks on me and I was trying to convince myself that while I had the right to be concerned after all I had been through, I should also try to think positively.
Thinking positively is apparently not something I am very good at doing though, especially when I am stressed. That night, while having dinner my mother said something really funny and I started laughing so hard that my eyes started watering. Once that happened though the tears brought on by laughter turned to tears of stress due to being unsure about my wound and being concerned about my boyfriend’s wound. Of course my parents have no idea that any of this is going on so I was crying with a goofy grin on my face. It wasn’t that big of a deal but it did make me feel like a fool. Here I was having dinner with my parents; one minute laughing at my mother and the next minute crying about the uncertainty that was happening in my life. I am pretty sure that I will have a visiting nurse at some point tomorrow who will hopefully be able to tell me if what I noticed was actually drainage or if I really do just need to calm down.
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